When I proudly flaunt the fact that I subject myself to a 'self-imposed life of solitude,' I am, it's true, exaggerating somewhat. At the summary at the very bottom of the page, I am again being somewhat hyperbolic. It sounds so romantic, doesn't it? Sadly, I can't live in a completely solitary way as I live with my parents and have to attend college where I have to, inevitably, communicate a bit with the cunt students and teachers.
Anyone spending excessive amounts of time on his own is bound to be introspective - you can't escape it. Introspection can be quite unhealthy, too. Spending time on your own and thinking and thinking and thinking can lead to mental illnesses. But, I think, there's a lot in it for people and everyone should try it. The human mind is a wonderful, intricate mechanism. There's so much inside it, but most people seem to be reluctant to discover it. Communication with other humans is not enough; introspection will lead you to uncover more truths about yourself as well as a personal identity that isn't remotely possible through conversation. Introspection will lead you to uncover memories - be they recent or from your childhood - and these can either be a painful process or an immensely enjoyable one. Introspection will make you cry, smile, shout out; introspection may help you realise that there's far more within yourself than in anybody else; introspection will open up endless possibilities.
The endless possibilities
Thinking, walks, books, paintings, childhood comics, pornograhy, parks, memories, films... Endlessly, endlessly, endlessly...
Aldous Huxley described his experience of mescaline use in a solitary way in his book The Doors of Perception, but also explores how drug use can be a group experience in this very book as well as in his novel Brave New World. I do not recommend drug use, nor have I ever tried it, but I think that one of the interesting aspects of it - from what I can gather - is that can help the individual reach perception. I don't need drugs - I've got drugs within me... And this in itself leads to perception for the individual.
An old friend tends to accompany every Friday before I get the bus home. Testament to how little he knows me and cares about me, he described another friend of ours that he doesn't see much of anymore as invisible. Out of all people, he tells that to me. I disappeared from his life more than three years ago, and he doesn't wonder how I'm never present at any of his parties. The fact that he has overlooked that is real invisibility. I roam along the college corridors completely invisible; the students take no notice of me nor do they acknowledge my presence. Little do they know of what I have come across or what my eyes I've seen...
When you go through all those facebook profiles, you'll never find me there: I like to remain anonymous. I like the thought so few people know about my existence; I love the thought that so many people have forgotten about me; I love the thought that all my life is contained within myself yet shared with so little...
An outsider is a person who refuses to compromise and is, therefore, subjected to the fringes... Roaming along the backstreets of a winter's night with the moon out... fecundity.
It is inevitable that I often feel the need for a few friendships, but I have thought it over and realised that along the years people have never cared about me... Most of the friendships I've had have been rather superficial, and the other person has little interest in spending time with me and pursues other people instead. There are some people I think could make possible friendships, but I never want to take the initiative... Actually, I care more for a boy/girl relationship than I do for a friendsip...
If you are obsessive, celibate, a virgin, introspective and reclusive, then you're in trouble. I'm in my late teens, so I get uncontrollable sexual urges... I may be a virgin, but all the wanking I've been up to has compensated for that... My sexual impulses go through phases; I can spend some time where I am restrained, but then I go wild and all I can think about is women. At the end of last summer, I kept walking along the streets comparing women and obsessively masturbating myself at home.
I find the whole concept of the group, for the most part flawed and fallacious... Be it a political ideology or whatever, it will never permit the human mind to flourish.... That's why it's more logical to shut yourself in your room all day.
Lots of time
With an uneventful social life, just think of all the spare fucking time you have to do whatever you fucking want... Don't let them or a some psychologist tell you that that a social life is healthy, use your time constructively to get many tasks and activities completed.
Many artists feel that they can only create with intensive isolation, and I feel that I fall into this category... The more time spent on your own, the more thoughts come to you; the more solitary you are, the more spare time you have to create...